May 3rd marks 2 years of sobriety for me. I haven’t had a drink or a smoke in this time. I want to celebrate the accomplishment by speaking about the experience.
Ups And Downs
When I first began, every month was a new milestone. My motivation grew as I completed the goals I set for myself. But with more time under my belt. I’ve realized that my willpower levels don’t correspond to my clean time. My resolve ebbs and flows. So on days like today, I make it part of my identity. I embrace it. And then on days when I’m unsure, I embrace the uncertainty. Who knows where my journey will take me? It’s acceptable for sobriety to be a vague answer to an undefined problem. Experience has taught me, there’s usually something to motivate me just around the corner.
When I first quit drinking, I was too scared to set foot in a bar. Eventually, I could comfortably go to a bar and not be tempted to drink. I was pretty pleased with myself. But now, going downtown simply isn’t fun. If there’s dancing or pool tables, I can make do. But in most cases, I end up feeling like a dud. There’s no perfect replacement activity for partying. Instead, I’m constantly picking up new activities. Yoga, electronics, writing this blog, learning new songs. Staying busy is important. Even if I drop hobbies as quickly as I pick them up, at least I’m keeping my life juicy. It’s a solution for the time being.
The best part of sobriety is the new friends I’ve made. Turns out, my hometown has an active local recovery community. Having a support network to fall back on makes life much simpler. A lot of my worries about relapse were solved when I learned how to ask for help. I never acquired this skill in school. Looking back, my internships during college would have gone a lot smoother if I had been open to accepting help. I’ve realized asking for help can help others too. Everyone likes to feel useful, and I’m happy to provide that use.
Quitting drugs and alcohol has allowed me to move towards my goals. This morning, I finished my final for Operating Systems, after failing that same class 4 years ago. I can’t thank my friends and family enough. Thanks for sticking with me and thanks for listening to what I have to say!
I love you, Ben.
I Love this!